Essentials: Work

Keeping a boat running is a lot of work.

On the boat, everyone has a set barge task. Well, everyone at the moment except for me.

The assigned barge work amounts to 2 hours per week. Currently, there are more people than set roles. As the newest person, I haven't been assigned an official task yet.

While waiting for my name to be added to the communal white board task list, I asked the admiral if I could come and help on his newest boat instead.

Up on deck

Currently docked in a shipyard in Brentford, this barge was not more than a hull when the admiral bought it.

I spent a bright Sunday afternoon in December on this new barge, with the admiral and 3 of my shipmates.

The dock at low tide

The setting was one of nautical industry. The admiral was buzzing, seeing his dream of another house barge emerging from the strong steel hull.

My reception on board wasn't entirely warm, however. From one shipmate, I was met with a blunt "Construction work is not for girls" before being promptly ignored.

The day was clear and bright

I find that the best way to deal with being dismissed is to show intent through action. I got stuck in wherever I could, first sweeping and making tea, then moving boards and insulation.

Once it was seen that I was there to work, I was shown how to use the circular saw and the jigsaw and asked to cut some board.

Then, I put up a wall before finally finding my niche - adding silicon sealant to windows and installing them up on deck.

The admiral gave a lot of thought to the windows, looking to make sure plenty of natural light will fill the cabins and hallways below deck. In this way, I worked happily until the sun began to set and all the windows were in.

Satisfaction

As we lost the light, we stowed tools and stacked wood. We tidied everything away, ready for the next day.

Until my contribution is decided at home, I will get stuck in where I can, adding my labour to the communal pool to help make things happen.

It is an essential of boat life - everyone works. Our work has a tangible meaning - the result is something we can see and feel and experience. There is immense satisfaction in this.

Can You Live Without a Job?

This is the question I've been asking myself for most of the evening.

As I break my life down, and begin to strip away unnecessary things, I am starting to wonder just how necessary having a job really is. Is this another area of my life I could minimize?

Anyone who has known me would call me a workaholic. I chased my career and I chased it hard. In particular, my married life brought on a fervor for career success unlike anything I'd experienced before.

Tonight, I started to ask myself why. Why do I need a job?

I was chasing success and status, I've concluded, partially as a response to fears and anxieties. My job could be my proof to the world that I am good enough. It was my proof to my ex that I deserved his love and care, it was my proof to my parents that I was successful. It was also a way to acquire all of the material goods in sight. 

I was using the status and the money to plug a gap in myself - I was trying to chuff this big black hole so full of stuff and external validation with the hope that I might come to feel happy. This was a big part of the life script, wasn't it? This is what we were meant to do to be happy. Get married, get a job, then eventually make babies, buy a house, buy a car...

Except it didn't work.

Now, for the first time, I am feeling a contentment that is unrelated to anything external. I don't need to wave my job around to justify my existence. I don't need to buy something to feel like I matter. I matter enough on my own, and stuff is seeming more of a burden than anything else. 

I feel like I am standing on the cusp of an opportunity. I want to live a life that is full of travel, full of passion and people, full of meaning and reading books and swimming in bodies of open water. I am slowly convincing myself, with the help of assorted internet non-conformists, that maybe there is a way to do all of these things and survive without the stress of a 9-5.

It is a terrifying thought, not having the security of a set monthly pay packet. 

Why, though? Why is it a terror? And, all terrors aside, can you live without a job?