Beyond Resolutions to Success

How many resolution-based Facebook statuses have you read today?

At the beginning of January, we reflect on the year just gone, and turn our dreaming mind to the possibilities of the year just arrived. We draw energy from this process, as we peer into this near future of could-bes.

I celebrated the arrival of 2014 like it was Bacchanalia in ancient Rome. I spent 14 hours soak in wine, dancing myself to ecstasy, and symbolically letting go of 2013. It was animal, and it was good. 

Now, with the previous year released, it is time to look forward. 

Often, New Year's resolutions don't last long before ending in disappointment. The aforementioned Facebook statuses could be part of that problem. Sometimes, sharing our goals with others can actually make us less likely to achieve them.

How can you achieve what you want to in the year ahead? How can you move beyond resolving to succeed to actual success?

Here are 3 simple ways to get started:

1. Know your priorities. Any of your goals should align with your ultimate aims in life. If they don't, are they really worth pursuing?
2. Do it for yourself. Just as with taking care of yourself, your goals shouldn't be about other people. They should be about you. 
3. Dream... then act. Our dream minds are powerful things. They help us to see what could be. But your dreams will remain nothing but unless you act. Do something now to move closer to your goal - something other than telling someone about it.

The best part? You don't need a new year to start making changes or working on goals. Your dreaming mind is always there, and you always have the power to act.

How will you better align your life with your ultimate aims in 2014?

How to Turn Setbacks to Your Advantage

Setbacks happen. They can be life shattering, like divorce, or mildly annoying, like having to wait for the next bus because the current one is full.

This has been my week of setbacks. It began with a battery that died at a bad time, followed by two difficult days at work, and has continued with the maybe end of a delightful love affair. Suffice to say, I have had better weeks.

When setbacks cascade like this, it is easy to assume that life is heading off on some doomed trajectory. It can feel overwhelming. It can feel like you will be down forever.

The good news is, setbacks are not forever. You can deal with setbacks, and you can turn them to your advantage.

First, you have to deal with the setback:

• Surrender in the moment. When you first meet a set back, you will have an emotional response. Anger. Sadness. Disappointment. Don't fight it - just feel it. 
• Show yourself kindness. It can be as quick as forgiving yourself in the moment, or it can require more time, like going for a run or a swim. Don't skip this step.
• Identify the immediate issue. Once the emotions have passed, identify the issue. If you've missed a bus, the issue is that you will be delayed or that you must find a new route. 
• Act on the issue, not the emotion. Take targeted action on the issue you have identified. If you've been delayed, let someone know you will be late. If you need to find a new route, ask someone or consult a map.

Acting on emotions rather than issues is ineffective. If your emotions are not subsiding, wait. Talk to someone you trust before acting. Talking out loud about a situation diffuses emotions and gives clarity to the real issue.

Once the immediate issue is dealt with, turn the setback to your advantage by following these 3 steps:

1. Analyse. Your life is your best teacher. How did this setback arise? What emotions did it bring up? Why? Were they a help or a hindrance? Was it easy or difficult to address the issue at hand?
2. Prepare. This new information is valuable. It shows you what steps you can take to prevent or mitigate similar setbacks in future. Did that run really clear your head after an argument? Would it be worth picking up a transport map?
3. Harness. Every setback is an opportunity. It is a chance to improve, refine, change direction, and to become a better you. Harness this. Find the good shit in the bad shit.

With practice, turning setbacks to advantages becomes habit. You can master this alchemy, starting now.

What has set you back recently? How will you turn this to your advantage?

Watch and Learn

I'm posting this a day later than I wanted to. It has been a challenge to get my rustic internet solution up and running, but I am pleased to report that it is working now. Sort of.

I digress - I have moved into the boat, and I have had my first night on the water.

Rule #1 of introducing yourself to a new culture: Watch and Learn

In a new environment, it is safe to assume that you know next to nothing about how things work. You might have an idea or two, you might have read something somewhere... no. The real experts are the ones around you.

My first day on the boat began with moving everything in. With the help of two of the coolest guys that I know, Joe and Norbert, we were able to get everything from the old flat to the boat in one trip in a Zipcar Touran. 

Job done, and following a well-deserved beer in the pub, I returned to my floating home to face the reality of what I'd chosen to do. I got down to the more-complicated-than-in-a-flat task of unpacking and finding homes for my things.

Dressing a duvet in a small space is a challenge. Unpacking a large suitcase in a small space is a challenge. Deciding how to use the shelf space is a challenge. But in the end, I think I got it looking quite good:

The view from the front of my cabin

And the view from the back of the cabin!

The big reveal? All the walls in my cabin are painted with chalkboard paint! This ensures I will always have something to do, even when the generator isn't running and we have no electricity.

My first observations:

• Despite reducing the amount of stuff that I have by 50%, it still feels like way too much
• Fire is incredibly important
• Cold is a state of mind

Moving in to my new home, I was struck by how it reminded me of my adventures long past, moving into a new culture in a far away place. It's not so much a house share as it is a little community, with a culture all its own.

All told, it was a more comfortable, warmer first night than I would have imagined. I am fully in my role as an observer, watching, learning, and asking questions. I will draw on those old memories of patience, get-stuck-initude, and creativity as I work to integrate myself here. 

With some luck, I should start to get the hang of things fairly quickly.

Self Sufficiency Means Always Having Someone to Rely On

I am not sure what it is about having other capable (or even not so capable people) around that makes me want to ask for help.

Maybe it is this latent fear that I'm not good enough or that I don't know what I am doing, but my default instinct when I need to get something done is to ask someone else.

Those who know me know that I'm not lazy - I find pleasure and fulfillment in actively working on something. But I always pause, especially when it is something new, and then will succumb to feeling lost. I will ask for help.

One objective for Operation Greenrock is to train myself in self sufficiency. I've had my first taste of it this weekend, painting my cabin. I've not painted a room since my experiment with wall paper stripping and red paint in 9th grade. I had to get all of my own supplies. I had to provide all of the labour. Most crucially, I had to do it all myself.

The captain and my shipmates were friendly while I was there - sharing the odd cup of tea on a quick break. But no one sat with me while I painted. No one grabbed a roller. Once I was below deck, it was just me, 4 slightly uneven walls, and lots of paint.

As I got started, I felt annoyed. Why was everything looking shit? Why did the roller keep falling off the wire frame? Why won't the masking tape stick? I became my own cheerleader, egging me on to keep going. 

I was back today, getting the edging and difficult spaces done and laying on a second layer of paint to every surface. I contorted into all kinds of shapes, laying on my back to paint the ceiling and stretching to cover any remaining white. All in, I spent 10 hours painting this weekend.

And you know what? It looks really good! All done by me.

Developing self sufficiency, step by baby step, will mean that I will always have someone to rely on.

What should I learn next? What skills in life are as useful as painting?

Life is Weird

I had a funny conversation with a visiting friend this weekend. To paraphrase, it went something like this:

"You know, in life there is shit. Bad shit. You never see it coming, but you know it is coming. It came to you before and with certitude you know it is coming again. But bad shit can become good shit, or it can lead you in the direction of good shit. And you never know when good shit is coming, either. It takes you by surprise, too. Putain. We're drunk"

Not that long ago, I was feeling certain that life was going to be nothing more than a long, dull trudge toward death. That's a bleak thought, but then depression tends to be like that. I spent this last summer living in a strange world devoid of all possibility. I was emptied of creative energy and couldn't see what to do.

And then it all changed.

What changed was that I started to make decisions. At first, it was simply deciding to be alone and keep myself entertained. Then deciding what to buy, deciding to cook or get take away. Deciding to be clean or messy. Deciding to be on time or late.

The more decisions I made, the more clearly I could see that this power to decide helps in two significant ways:

1. It makes you an actor in your life. You begin to look at life from a position of power, rather than from the perspective of a passive victim.
2. Things start happening. It is not possible to make things happen if you never decide to do anything.

In deciding, I also accept responsibility for the outcomes of those decisions. Before, I was obsessed with control, I was angry when I couldn't control everything, and I refused to decide. In fact, I actively tried to avoid making decisions wherever possible. If I didn't decide, and things just happened to me, then I wouldn't need to feel shame or guilt if I failed to achieve.

Not going to lie - deciding can be scary. Deciding to move to a tiny space on a boat with a whole mess of strangers is scary. Deciding to get rid of most of my stuff is scary. Deciding to make friends and to try meeting people is scary. 

But it has also returned the colour to my life, and it has opened up the world. Life is full of possibility. And hardly a moment is dull.