How to Live Your Dreams: Part I

I moved onto the boat for three main reasons, recapped here:

1. Test my values - Can I live minimally? Can I relinquish my attachment to things?
2. Save Money
3. If 1 and 2 work out, start vagabonding

Vagabonding is my grail. It's what I have always wanted to do - to become a perpetual traveler with no fixed abode. Living in different places for long enough to know them, to learn the language and the people. And then to keep going.

Living our dreams is what we hope to do. So why do many of us get off track? Why is living the best way for us, in our one finite life, such a hard thing to do?

In this multi-part series (I haven't decided how many parts there will be yet - it's a work in progress), I will take you through how to live your dreams.

Part I: Know what your dreams are

"Wait a minute. Of course I know what my dreams are. This is supposed to be helpful how?"

Well... do you?

If you list out your dreams right now, what would they be? Think about it for a minute or two. I'm not going anywhere.

If you are anything like I was, your list might include things like these:

• To have a high paying, interesting job
• To live in a nice house that I own
• To go on holiday to interesting places
• To be respected by my peers and surrounded by interesting people
• To be viewed as an equal by my ex

So? Reasonable dreams? Achievable? Aren't these quite normal aspirations?

Perhaps. But there are issues with these, and one specific problem with all of them:

These are not me. These dreams are not my truth.

These dreams were dreamed with other people in mind. These dreams were driven by what they would say to others about me. These dreams had their outer limits set by others. In the case of being respected or seen as an equal, they were wholly dependent on others. 

To know what your dreams are, there is only one person to ask. Only one person whose opinion matters, only one person to set limits. That person is you.

To get to the real essence of your dreams, do the following:

1. Dream like a child. Guaranteed, when you were a kid, you had dreams. Boy they were big. Do you remember them (I bet you do)? Think about what you wanted to do when you were small, or think about what you'd like to do if you had zero responsibilities and endless time in front of you. Think about what you would do if you had a million dollars.
2. Set limits. Thing is, you're not a child. You (probably) don't have a million dollars. You have responsibilities and people you love. This is where you set your limits. The trick is that you need to do make sure these limits come from you, not from an external source. Stop saying, "This dream is impossible, I'm a partner/parent/carer. I'm old/poor/not sure where to start." Start asking, "How can I become a partner/parent/carer that does this? How can I do this starting from where I am now?"
3. Check your dreams and your limits against your ultimate aims. This is the litmus test. Ask yourself, "Will living this dream help me to achieve my ultimate aims in life?" Ask yourself, "This limit I've set, is it there to keep me on track to my aims?" If the answer to either is no, then you need to ask yourself why you have the dream or have set the limit. Answer honestly. 

Once you know what your dreams are, you're one step closer to living them. Don't rush and take the time to really think. Ask yourself a lot of questions. This is the only real way to know if you are following your bliss.

Beyond Resolutions to Success

How many resolution-based Facebook statuses have you read today?

At the beginning of January, we reflect on the year just gone, and turn our dreaming mind to the possibilities of the year just arrived. We draw energy from this process, as we peer into this near future of could-bes.

I celebrated the arrival of 2014 like it was Bacchanalia in ancient Rome. I spent 14 hours soak in wine, dancing myself to ecstasy, and symbolically letting go of 2013. It was animal, and it was good. 

Now, with the previous year released, it is time to look forward. 

Often, New Year's resolutions don't last long before ending in disappointment. The aforementioned Facebook statuses could be part of that problem. Sometimes, sharing our goals with others can actually make us less likely to achieve them.

How can you achieve what you want to in the year ahead? How can you move beyond resolving to succeed to actual success?

Here are 3 simple ways to get started:

1. Know your priorities. Any of your goals should align with your ultimate aims in life. If they don't, are they really worth pursuing?
2. Do it for yourself. Just as with taking care of yourself, your goals shouldn't be about other people. They should be about you. 
3. Dream... then act. Our dream minds are powerful things. They help us to see what could be. But your dreams will remain nothing but unless you act. Do something now to move closer to your goal - something other than telling someone about it.

The best part? You don't need a new year to start making changes or working on goals. Your dreaming mind is always there, and you always have the power to act.

How will you better align your life with your ultimate aims in 2014?

The Evolution of Ownership

Ownership is a funny concept. Variously defined, I've settled on "the right to the possession of a thing".

As children, we are taught what is 'ours' and what belongs to others. We're taught the art of sharing, all the while being reminded that what is ours should remain ours, and should return with us at the end of play time.

As we grow, some of us lose our things by force, or by bad fortune, or by our own forgetfulness. We experience loss and it is painful. We then have to do without our things, or save up to replace them.

With time, we learn jealousy, seeing the things others have and wanting them for ourselves. We look at our own lives, and think, why do I not have these things?

When owning things has meaning, we learn that owning relationships does, too. We obsess over others, we chase others, we feel jealousy when we cannot have others. We plant flags in our relationships.

Finally, if relationships with others can be owned, logically we, too, can be owned. We sell our time to our employers, we declare to partners that we are 'theirs', and we contract out our futures by acquiring debts.

Oddly, it is following this move from owner to owned that we are called fully adult.

I'm not the first one to muse on ownership - plenty of philosophers, sages, and prophets have done so before I moved onto this boat to think about life. Now, though, I understand why it's a much discussed subject:

• The concept of ownership is false. Nothing is ever owned. Things can be borrowed, used, taken by force, but never really owned. Life is finite - what is ours today is lost tomorrow.
• Ownership has a great power over our minds. It drives us to make massive trade offs in our lives. It discourages us from chasing our bliss. It compels us to hoard. At the worst, it brings out our cruelty; it arouses in us greed and malice.
• Rejecting ownership is a revolutionary concept. The established social order is predicated on ownership as a central aim in life. Dropping ownership as an aim is a direct challenge to that order.

So, what can you do to break the habit of ownership? I imagine living life in a barrel or suggesting that you sell all your posessions and give the proceeds to the poor might be a bit extreme. Instead, begin with the following:

• Aim to create more than you consume.
• Be kind to yourself, and to others.
• Give time, rather than things.
• Recognise the abundance all around you. Make a conscious effort to see it everyday.

And ask yourself, if everything you own disappeared tomorrow, what would you really have left?

My Minimalist Birthday

I've been trying to write all weekend. My mind has been bursting full of ideas - generating stubs and threads and interesting points of discussion.

These will follow as proper posts before long. But to clear the block and to clear my mind, I first need to give a voice to the weekend just gone.

My birthday was yesterday. December 22nd is a funny day - everyone has Christmas on the brain. Everyone is strapped for cash and for time.

I used to take quite a materialist, scarcity-based view of this day. More stuff going on in the lives of others meant less time for me. Fewer gifts for me, I thought, meant less love. My birthday often made me feel empty and uncared for, forgotten in the hubbub of the Christmas season.

This year, I travelled to Brussels, where a small group of some of the most interesting, beautiful, and achingly cool people I know live. I went into it with the aim of enjoying this company. And, if it all went tits up, there was always the best beer in the world as a back up plan.

How did it go?

I swam. I went to an improv battle in French, and understood most of it. I went to an underground club and danced with abandon to Belgian 80s classics. I stayed up all hours discussing life and programming languages. I met a friend from my high school exchange year in Finland. I drank mulled wine in a Christmas market. I felt like the richest person alive, all for less than 50 Euros.

The time we choose to share with others is our most profound and valuable gift. A few hours snatched out of the day to tell our stories, a message sent from half way around the world, the enthusiastic sharing of our normal lives - this is what actually matters.

Celebrating others has nothing to do with things or organized get-togethers. There was no formal party. No sitting in a circle receiving gifts. No obligation or pressure on anyone to show face. Instead, those that chose to spend time with me in this place were showing that they were happy that I was born because they are happy to be with me now.

As Christmas nears, the best thing any of us can do to show our love for others is to spend time rather than money, and to do this often throughout the year.

Who can you reach out to right now that you care for?

3 Simple Ways to Care for Yourself

When you are setting your priorities in life, how do you make sure to look after yourself everyday?

Blogger Minimal Student writes a thought provoking piece on persistence, a lesson she learned over time through running. It is an excellent article, but perhaps the most profound snippet is found toward the end:

I had neglected my body for years, but now it was one of my highest priorities. Being healthier became a part of my daily life, rather than something I begrudgingly tried to fit into it.

Why is caring for ourselves something that we try to 'fit in' around everything else?

We see around us global epidemics brought about by poor lifestyle. Obesity is outwardly visible, and stress, anxiety, and depression are hidden. Both are precursors to more serious conditions, like cardiovascular disease, hypertension, and stroke, among others.

These epidemics have their roots in a failure to prioritize self, in favour of prioritizing the external. I understand why this happens - if we aren't deliberately focusing on our well being, it is easy to get distracted by the life going on all around us, rather than the life we are living.

So what can we do about it? Here are 3 simple ways to start caring for yourself today:

1. See caring for yourself as a part of your day. If you conceive of self care as naturally as waking up, getting dressed, or brushing your teeth, you will do it. Adopt the mantra - Taking care of my self is part of my day, not something that I squeeze in. 
2. Do it for yourself. Don't lose weight for your partner. Don't stop smoking for your kids. Don't start eating healthy to be on trend. Do these things for you. Know that you are doing them for you, as a way to show yourself love. Don't share that gift with anyone else. When you regularly care for yourself, you will be a better partner, parent, and friend just by being yourself. 
3. Stop rushing and start planning. By now, it's clear that self care is pretty damned important. What do we do for important things? We plan. Take time today to plan for self care tomorrow. Pack your running gear tonight. Make a shopping list for the ingredients that you need to pick up tomorrow. If you go into self care in a rush, you will carry that negative feeling of rush and stress with you.

These 3 simple ways to care for yourself can be applied to anything you would like to do to show yourself care - it's the same whether you are looking to take exercise as much as if you are wanting to meditate. 

Do those things every day that will help you to be the best you. You owe it to yourself.

How to Prioritize

Is your to do list longer than your arm? Does thinking about the things that need to get done discourage you?

We often choose to spend our time without thinking about it. Our lives are filled with external distractions - advertising entices us, our bosses ask us to work late, and our tech bings and flashes with news and updates.

Getting a bit of head space, then, is a challenge. With the constant distraction and the endless ways we could spend little bits of our lives, how to choose? How to decide?

I went to a time management seminar at Inner Space. The seminar details were posted at work, but I think our HR team didn't know that Inner Space is a hippy haven. This wasn't to be your typical time management seminar, drawing grids and deciding if something is both important and urgent or not.

Instead, the seminar leader encouraged us to focus on our ultimate aims in life. Not on hitting targets. Not on achieving the highest profit in time for quarter end. Instead, she suggested the following 3 aims:

1. Unconditional contentment
2. Unconditional love
3. Unconditional peace

These 3 aims are focused on your internal state rather than on the external world. They are also achievable, regardless of what is going on around you. 

The seminar ended with the leader advising that, if we consider our aims in all that we do, and if we let go of the things that won't help us achieve these aims, many things on our to do list will fall away.

Think about something on your to do list right now. Ask yourself - will doing this thing lead me closer to a state of internal contentment, love, and peace? If it won't, then is it truly necessary?

The more you do this, the more you may be surprised to learn how many things on your to do list are externally motivated and directed: 

• Are you chasing that promotion to increase your esteem in the eyes of others, or are you doing it because you are passionate about it, and it will bring you contentment in your work?
• Are you trying to lose weight to appear more attractive to others, or are you trying to improve your health and fitness so that you can pursue your passions and show yourself love?
• Are you buying things for your home in order to display it with pride to others, or are you working to create a space where you can find peace?

Following this simple self interrogation technique, you may find that some items remain on your list, but the motivation behind them is clarified. By knowing that you are working on something that will bring you closer to your aims, you will find that life becomes less of a chore and more of a joy.

Take a look at your to do list right now. What will those things help you to achieve?